Saturday, September 27, 2003

I had this dream when I was about 16.

Josh and I are walking around a lake. Some of my other friends are there as well. Erin. Brandie. Jason. I lose my balance and fall in. I cant swim. I splash madly, trying to stay afloat. Everyone on the shore is watching, but no one is coming in to help me. I sink to the bottom. My lungs fill with water. I can't breathe. Suddenly I am awake and still suffocating. The blankets are wrapped around my neck, covering my face, choking me. I thrash and convulse, desperately yanking them away from my face and gasping for fresh air. I finally get them all off of me. They are soaked in places with my sweat, which I am covered head to toe in. I sit on the edge of my bed for a few minutes, catching my breath and sweating, then get up and walk to the front porch, sitting on the bench. The night air cools my sweat and within a few minutes I am shivering. I stand, walk inside, and go back to bed.

And another...this one was dreamed when we went camping the summer I turned 9. I am in love with a native american boy. I am in my backyard, which was not my backyard. It was surrounded by a 6 foot, rather nondescript wood plank fence. I shoot an arrow, and it goes around the world collecting sports balls. A soccer ball, a basketball, and my native american loves head. His face is twisted into a grotesque, horrified scream. It lands in the bathroom across the hall from my bedroom in the manufactured home we were living in. That's all I remember. When we got home 2 days later, I refused to go in that bathroom, for 4 days. My mom finally got tired of me waking her up in the morning to use my parents bathroom so she made me go in there and stay in there until I calmed down and realized there was no head on the counter, and it wasnt likely to appear.

Thinking of that bathroom, I remember Halloween of that same year, or maybe the year before or after. I was taking a leak and my stepdad came a-knocking and said he needed to use the toilet. Never mind that they had their own bathroom! I finished my business and opened the door. Standing there was my stepdad in a mr. potato head mask. It was like a big light brown pillow with a hole for his head to go in, two holes cut out for eyes, and a hole for the mouth. It had messy yarn hair. I screamed at the top of my lungs, slammed the bathroom door, and locked it. I could hear my parents laughing, and my dad said "rachie! open the door! Its just me! Dont be afraid!" to which i replied "NO!" He said "rachie come on, open the door! it was just a mask! " me: "NO! not until you take it off!" "okay i took it off! open the door rachie!" so i cracked the door and saw that he had indeed taken it off. he showed it to me and my mum showed me her matching mrs. potato head mask. I wonder if my mom still has those masks. They are so freaky.